Pointing To Make A Request
Now we’re going to talk about how to teach your child to ask for things by pointing to them. In other words, we are going to begin by teaching the child how to make requests.
Requesting is a very important skill for many reasons. First, think about how frustrated you would be not knowing how to ask for the things you want and need. When children cannot communicate even their most basic wants and needs to others, they can become very frustrated. Sometimes, this results in problem behavior such as whining, crying, and tantrums. Teaching your child to make requests is one way of reducing the chance that they will engage in problem behaviors in the future. Learning to request will help your child let you know what she wants, instead of doing what she may have done before, such as whine, cry or pull at you.
For these reasons, learning to make requests is a very important skill to teach a child. We are going to break this skill down into two parts, pointing and making eye contact. We will teach these one at a time. Which skill should we start with? Pointing is easier to teach, since it can be physically prompted. To do this you can form your child’s finger into a point.
If you would like a little more information about breaking multi-step skills down into a series of parts, click here.
Making A Request
To teach the child to request, start with something that he really likes and can hold. Then he will be very likely to reach for it when he sees it. You want to offer your child the choice of a few different things that you know he likes. This could be a little piece of a favorite treat, a toy, a puzzle piece, or anything that you know he likes. Giving your child a small piece of the special treat, or a few seconds with the toy will remind him of how much he likes it. That will make it more likely that he will begin to reach for it quickly when you offer it again.
Let’s start with a food treat first. The good thing about a food treat is that you can give the child a small piece and he’ll still want more. Also, you don’t have to take the treat away, like you would a toy. The first step in teaching your child to request, is to hold up the treat where he can see it but can’t easily reach it. When your child reaches for it, you should give him a small piece at first so that he can taste it. If he likes it a lot, he will be likely to reach for it the next time you offer it. Be sure to give him time to enjoy the treat and swallow it before holding up another piece. This time, when your child reaches for the treat, gently help him to form a point with his finger. The child should be pointing at the treat with his pointer finger. This is the finger next to the thumb. It is also called the index finger or the forefinger. His pointer finger should actually be touching the treat. When this is done, give him the treat right away. And remember, when using food treats, give your child only a small piece and give him time to enjoy eating it.
When teaching a child to ask for the things they want, the reward for requesting a treat is simply getting that treat. Since this is a natural reward, you do not need to give the child anything else. But it is still a good idea to pair the reward with your praise. Let your child know that you are happy that they have asked you for what they want. Use a happy, reassuring tone of voice.
For example, on one trial you might say something like, “Oh, you want a Cheerio; here you go!” Or you might say, “Good job asking me for the car; here’s the car.” Or you could say something like, “Bubbles! Yay!” In the following clip, the teacher enthusiastically labels the animals shown in the puzzle. This child is still limited in how many words he understands. So, the teacher is careful to use only one word and tries to say it while the child is putting the piece in the puzzle. This should help him to connect the picture and the word.
You might have seen that in the first video clip, the teacher held up the treat and asked the child, “do you want this?” But in the second video clip, the teacher did not ask the child whether he wanted a puzzle piece but just held it up where he could see it. As soon as he reached for it, she used a physical prompt to help him form a point. We want children to learn to request when they are asked what they want and when they see something they want. Try to practice it both ways. This is important for children as they learn to communicate. When they are upset they can answer the question “What do you want?” by pointing to, or naming an object.
In the clips you have seen, the children’s pointer fingers were touching the treats. Later, they will be prompted to point from farther and farther away. When you point from a distance and can’t actually touch the thing you are pointing to it is called a distal point (“distal” means distance). With a distal point, you can imagine a line going from your finger to the object. In the next clip watch as this teacher begins to hold the shape sorter pieces just a little bit out of the child’s reach. In this way, she is just beginning to work on teaching him to make a distal point.
And of course, we are always looking for that first time that a child points all by himself to something that is out of reach. Give that a big reinforcer and praise!
Remember, if you are using food treats, it is best to use only a very small piece of the treat each time you practice. If you give your child a whole cookie each time, it will take him a long time to eat it. Also, after eating just a few, he might not want any more. By giving him only a very small piece each time, you will be able to fit a lot of practice trials into a short time, and he won’t get too many cookies.
Some toys and games also work very well for teaching children to make requests. Toys with several pieces, like puzzles and shape sorters, are very good to use. This is because you don’t usually need to take one piece away in order for the child to request the next piece. Also, these toys allow you to become part of your child’s play. For example, if your child likes puzzles, just remove some of the pieces of the puzzle before handing him the puzzle board. Once he puts a piece or two in, he will probably want to finish the puzzle. You can offer him the rest of the pieces, one at a time. Require him to request them from you by pointing at them, giving him as much help as he needs to be successful.
Requesting is a very important skill. Make sure your child gets a lot of practice with it. You should try to do this many times in a row, and several times a day. Watch your child carefully and stop when he seems less interested in the treat. You may want to take a break for a few minutes. Then try working on this skill again with a different toy or treat.
Each time you practice, give your child as much help as he needs to make a point with his finger. But – don’t give him more help than he needs. As soon as you see him begin to extend his pointer finger, give him a little less help in making a point. For example, you might just put your fingers lightly across his other fingers to remind him to fold them into a fist. In the following clip, you can tell that this little boy is starting to get the idea of pointing to show what he wants. However, he still needs a little help to make a clear point.
Did you notice how this teacher did not ask the child if he wanted more bubbles? Instead, she simply blew a line of bubbles to get his interest and then held up the bottle of bubbles again where he could see it. When he reached for the bottle, she prompted him to point to it. She just helped him to do this right away, without asking if he wanted more bubbles.
You can teach requesting anywhere. Try to work on requesting as often as you can using natural reinforcement. When you see that your child seems interested in something, help him to request it. For example, if your child likes to play outside in the sand with pails and a shovel, filling the pails or pouring from one pail to another, give them only one small pail.
Hold a shovel in your hand but do not give it to him right away. Keep a second shovel behind your back. You might even scoop up a little sand with the toy shovel and pour it into his bucket to give him the idea of using the shovel. If your child reaches for the shovel, prompt him to point to it. Gently extend his pointer finger toward the shovel. You can do this even if he does not reach for the shovel. Simply prompt him to point to it, and then give it to him. But remember, the goal is to teach your child to make requests without any prompting. As he begins to do more and more on his own, you should offer her less and less help.
In the next clip, you will see a child and his teacher playing in the sand box at school. Watch how the teacher helps the little boy practice requesting with a point. He knows the boy likes filling buckets with sand and pouring it onto cars. He also knows that the little boy is a big fan of trucks! The teacher only put out a few toys, which encourages the child to play with him. If the little boy could get all of the sand toys he likes right away, he may have been less engaged with the teacher. The teacher gives the child as much help as he needs to form a point and to point to what he wants. By the end of the clip, the little boy is beginning to get the idea that he should ask for a turn with the things he likes in the sand box.
Watch how this little boy taps his teacher on the leg to get his attention and then points to a marker that he can see but cannot reach. By giving the child only one marker at a time, and leaving others where he can see them, the teacher has given the boy a reason to practice his requesting skills.
As you work on teaching your child to point, make sure that you place plenty of things you think he will want where he is likely to be. For example, if your child likes animals you might want to place foam animal figures on the wall just above the tub before you bathe her. It is best if he can see them, but they are just out of reach when he is sitting down in the bathtub.
Remember to pause for a few seconds to give your child a chance to request the animals he wants. Give him the opportunity to reach for them on his own. If he reaches for one of the animals with an open hand, help him to form a point. When you see that s\he is beginning to try to form a point by himself, start to fade your prompts. Give less and less physical help until he is pointing by himself to what he wants. You can do the same thing with other bath toys. Plastic letters and numbers work well. Use any small bath toys you think your child might find interesting and fun.
And remember, as your child begins to learn to make requests all by himself, there will be times when he will do a good job pointing to what he wants. But at other times you will still need to help. That’s fine. Just give your child the help he needs to be successful. You should practice this skill many times each day until your child uses a point to make requests often. He may still need a little help to hold his pointer finger out while tucking her other fingers into a fist. No child will point every time. Your child should be pointing often before you start to work on adding eye contact.