Try Not To Say, “No”
There will be times when you will not be able to give the child what he wants. When a child is first learning to make requests by pointing and looking at you, try to give him what he asks you for as often as you can. This will allow him learn quickly to request things this way. It will also prevent frustration and confusion. Try to put away things that you don’t want him to have, so that he can’t see them. Of course, you will not always be able to do that!
So, give your child what he requests whenever possible. When he requests something he really can’t have, let him know that you see his nice request and offer him something else. For example, if your child has been enjoying bubbles and they are used up, you can’t give him any more bubbles. However, you can say something like “Nice asking! I’m sorry the bubbles are all gone, but that was great asking. Would you like a balloon?” Show your child that you feel badly that you cannot give him what he has asked for so nicely. Use facial expressions to promote understanding in case he doesn’t understand all the words. Be sure you have your child’s attention and when he is looking at you, show him a sad face as you show him the empty bubble jar. Then use a sad voice to say, “Bubbles all gone. I’m sorry.” Then use a happy voice to offer him something else. For example, hold up a balloon and say, “Balloon?” If he asks for a food treat that you don’t have, you can do the same thing. Offer him another food treat instead. In a later module of this program, we will discuss how to teach your child about waiting when you say, “first this, then that.”
Making Choices
Build on requesting by having your child make choices. You can do this by offering two things (for example, two foods during mealtime or snack, two shirts when getting dressed, two puzzle pieces, two blocks, two toys, etc.). Have your child point to what he wants and look at you before you give him the one he chooses. It will help if, at first, you know that your child is likely to prefer one of the choices over the other. If he reaches for both, simply pull back the choices and present them again. You can prompt him to choose the item you think he wants more, by holding it up a little closer to him. If he needs help (prompts) to make choices, that’s fine. Just remember to fade your prompts over time.
Don’t be surprised if your child doesn’t make as clear a point as usual or forgets to point. Just go back to prompting like you did when first teaching your child to make requests. In the next clip the teacher is giving a little girl a choice between two toys; bubbles and Mr. Potato Head. The little girl chooses bubbles and the teacher then uses the bubbles to work on eye contact and also to introduce the “b” sound.
In the next clip, the same teacher gives the child a choice between treats. She offers a small cookie and a pretzel of about the same size. She knows that the child will probably choose the cookie. As soon as the child reaches for the cookie, the teacher quickly puts the pretzel down. This frees the teacher’s hand so that she can prompt the child if she needs help.
Here a little boy is given a choice of shirts while getting dressed. He grabs at the shirt he wants, but his teacher holds onto the shirt and puts the other one down. While she is preparing to prompt a point, he points to the shirt and says “shirt,” and makes eye contact with her, all by himself!
At dinner, you could show your child two foods. Ask him to request the one he wants to eat first. This is often easier when you know your child likes one of the foods more than the other. Or, if your child is interested in eating only one type of food during a meal, you could cut the pieces into different sizes. For example, cut a tiny one and a regular sized piece, and ask him to point to the piece of food he wishes to eat next.
In the next clip, a mother is offering her child a choice during snack time. She offers him a choice between a drink of water and a little bag of snack treats. He points to the bag of snack treats right away! And remember, only put a few pieces of the snack in the snack bag or bowl at a time. That way, your child will have lots of opportunities to practice making choices.
If your child is playing with a toy that has several pieces, hold up two pieces at a time, so that he can choose the piece he wants next. Watch how nicely this little boy’s friend at school offers him choices between puzzle pieces so that he can practice making choices with her.
And here’s the same little boy, practicing making choices between food treats and cars to race down a track and later between two different colors of cars. His reinforcer for choosing a car is that he gets to send the car speeding down the race-track, which he loves!
Try to give your child the thing he points to right away. Do this even if you aren’t sure he pointed to the one he really wanted. Giving him what he has asked for should help him learn that he should point carefully to what he wants most, and also to make eye contact, when making a choice. If you are SURE that he has pointed to the item he doesn’t want, pause for a few seconds. Then offer the choice again, but this time prompt him to request the one you know he wants. One way to prompt would be to hold the item the child wants closer to him and the one he doesn’t want farther away from him. Remember though, this is a prompt, and prompts must be faded over time. Just keep practicing with your child until he can choose an item he wants from two or more choices. Practice until he can do this all by himself, without any hints or help from you.